Good Evening Gentlepersons,
Here’s hoping the cool night air finds you well and in good spirits. Ready to partake in a big sip of Kayin. Drink it down people, I am as refreshing as I am invigorating. Well I don’t de-hydrate people, often. So we meet again, this time for that finest of all the single digit numbers, seductive #9.
The #9 reason I should work for Hootsuite is you never know when raw athleticism is going to be called upon in your office, and who has physical prowess and isn’t afraid of the guy with two thumbs… this guy. I took in your talent pool during the open house and while some are bigger and some are stronger, I could find no one who combined the two so elegantly as your truly. Now you may ask yourselves when an attribute such as smooth grace and speed on tap, would ever come in handy around the office? Fair question, seems reasonable after all when one works on computers or phones, what does one need with speed and agility? Picture this a ‘big client’ ( cough! White cough! House) is coming to take a tour of the office where all the good ideas come from (rest assured the good ideas come from your office dear reader, yours and your alone) this client is as allergic to dogs as he or she is a believer in the constitutionally guaranteed separation of work and pets. When what should occur but fun co-worker #1 has decided to bring her or his amazing dog to work for a visit. On any other day no harm, no foul but today of all days, this isn’t looking good. The client rounds the sidewalk closing in on the front door and sensing a teachable moment has arrived, the dog slips its restraints in a wonderful act of ill-timed rebellion. Dios Mio says your whole staff. This is your present scenario. The client sensing an increased level of pet dander and a decreased desire to meet with anyone except his doctor, begins the exodus from the home offices. This wouldn’t be so bad except he or she also begins to tell people this story, in every social situation imaginable he or she is there relaying the disorganization, the slack lead that let this happen. One by one the big clients fall away, your reputation on the rocks, pending IPO put off, staff morale at an all time low and the dog, the rebellious dog remanded to the doghouse no treats coming now, maybe ever. This is a nightmare but doesn’t have to become a reality. You have options. You could make the right call, and then when fido falls off the path, and fear grips your workplace and your hearts, the pitter patter of lil’ paws are quickly silenced, as the canine in question is lifted high of the ground to come to rest again in his owners arms. Smiles are the new black and everyone can rest easy.
It is my belief that once this video has been watched 3 times the choice will be clear. Make the call. To help seal the deal I am going to throw in a second sample of me running at top speed in slippers in my hallway just now 2:47 am.
Now you may have debated yourself out of the loose dog scenario but what if something else happened. Something else equally unimaginable. What if the power went out? What if a document had to get form one side of the office to the other, right now. Already the chills have caught up with you, yes? To add insult to injury, fun co-worker #2 has taken it upon him or herself to celebrate international prank day by tying everyone’s laces together, dont ask me how this happened its your house, Kinda pointing a finger at HR right now, someone should have looked at said employee’s Facebook page before hiring to witness the annual celebration videos of international prank day. I digress if this happened right now in the pre-Kayin days everyone would be looking around shrugging and taking out one white ear-bud to ask “what’s up?”, upset at not being jacked-in anymore. The document would be sitting pretty not helping anyone do anything. Say it ain’t so. Hootsuite, it doesn’t have to be this way. Lean back in your ergonomically adjusted chair and imagine a world where business at Hootsuite gets done with no electrical interruptions. Your staff walk the halls with confidence knowing that should the power go out, it’s no big deal. Feel the electrical tension slip away. Everytime you see me getting water at the water-cooler. Subtle wink and nod, not making a big deal out of always being hydrated, always being ready, because you never know.
Tomorrow Reason #8 – I read everything. Quiz me.